Chickenless Cook of the Week: Dave Spencer

I know I was supposed to wait for tomorrow, but I will be visiting family all day and will not be able to blog. Also... I just couldn't wait to share this dude with you! It is my great, great, great pleasure to introduce Dave Spencer, Instructables guru and mastermind behind the pieces of food art you see before you. Above is his never-before-seen UFO cake, which he flatters me by sharing even before the Instructables article comes out. Until then, please satisfy whatever remaining foodlust you may have for it by watching this Youtube video.

The fact is, this man just might have the most spoiled kids alive. Every year he outdoes himself by coming up with a new and increasingly badass birthday cake. He even fixes those little twerps special fiery birthday pancakes:

(Just kidding, Dave... but seriously, we're all jealous of your kids.)

And it doesn't stop at breakfast and cake. Oh, no. The carbo load has just begun. He assured me I wouldn't be interested, being that this is a "cooking blog" (i.e., I must subsist solely on truffles and caviar), but oh, was he wrong about the levels to which I will stoop! Here is a pair of before-and-after shots of hot dog bites that Dave Spencer has lanced through with tri-colored pasta to form chains of kid-friendly goodness which will be the primary topic of his eulogy in years to come:

Not interested? Not interested?? Dave, you'd better hope I've lost your email address by the time I have kids, because otherwise I am ditching them with you on every birthday they have, and you will be the one dealing with the emotional consequences of that as they grow older.

Now, as if the flashing lights on the UFO cake weren't enough to trigger your rofls, how about a tank cake with moving parts? Check out the instructables article, complete with link to a video of the cake's rotating gun turret (I guess that's what you call it on a tank... I'm not exactly G.I. Joe).

And the coup de gras... an exploding volcano cake. Need I say more? No, I needn't. Because in this day and age it's not only possible but common to share pictures over the interwebs. Here is Dave Spencer's exploding volcano cake.

Congratulations, Dave, on being my first Chickenless Cook of the Week! I hope there will be many more. Remember, don't be shy about emailing me your suggestions for future nominees. I might just make a tradition out of this late-night-Thursday posting... hmm...

Use what you have learned here only for good, and a happy early Friday to all!

Beat the eggs. Whip the cream. Show no mercy.