Chickenless Cook of the Week: Anonymous

That's right, anonymous. No pictures. No name. No identifying features whatsoever. Just a lovely stock photo of cows in a field.

Now, it's not that this person chooses to remain anonymous... on the contrary, his home page has his name and picture right on the banner. I'm the fussy freddy behind all the discretion, and with good reason. This week's chickenless cook is technically a criminal.

First, a crash course in civics:

A long, long time ago, back when people didn't understand what germs were and thought they were the work of the devil or something, they used to keep their dairy cows in unsanitary conditions and feed them items that the FDA would not deem safe for their consumption today. (Not that the condition of your average cow is so hot in the US at present, either; but for the sake of argument, let's say dairy farms are basically cleaner than they were at the turn of the century). Folks in cities frequently got sick from milk that had been transported from rural areas. Up sprung the practices of pasteurization and homogenization. Big bad creepy-crawlies like typhoid stayed out of the milk supply, farmers were still allowed to transport their milk long distances, and for a long time everyone was content with the arrangement.

But as Bob Dylan would say, "Don't speak too soon for the wheel's still in spin." Today, organizations like Real Milk argue vehemently that the benefits of raw dairy outweigh the risks, as long as sanitary standards are upheld.

Trouble is, they're not allowed to test this theory. Sale of raw dairy for human consumption is illegal in a number of areas throughout Europe and the United States, all the territories of Australia, and all the territories of Canada. In my home state of Florida, only criminals deal in the raw.

Enter my anonymous cook of the week.

An acupuncturist by trade, he started volunteering on farms years ago, and developed a side business selling local products such as fruits, vegetables, herbs, and- you guessed it- raw dairy. Anyone who wants to partake can sign up on his website. Every two weeks he schleps around picking up from farms (all are within a three-hour radius). Customers can then pick up their pre-ordered contraband at his Altamonte Springs home.

Let's take a side trip and discuss the logistics of this business for a moment. Surely he uses less gas fetching your food from local sources than a chain grocery store uses importing your food across the globe. Thumbs up so far. However, those thumbs are attached to hands that are not "on". You still won't understand where your food comes from, any more than if you had bought it at Super Wal-Mart. You won't get to judge for yourself the living conditions of any animals involved, or whether the fertilizer they use on their plants is organic. You are entrusting your health and ethics to a third party. Thumbs down on that- no matter how trustworthy your third party happens to be, perpetuating a "get it all in one spot" mindset discourages diligent research and, by extension, responsible eating.

So far, I have thumbs pointing in each direction. Here's where your thumbs come in.

I considered expense when deciding whether or not to use this service. When you buy directly from a farmer, there's no middleman to jack up the price. Now, if you're a busy person, chances are it's either because you have a job that keeps you that way or are a single parent with a steadily-working spouse. In either case, you may find it worth paying a bit more for the convenience of attaining assuredly-local food from one source. In my case... well, I have more time than money, so my thumbs went down. This is a personal rather than a societal consideration, and I thought it would interest my readers to spread the idea around. Perhaps you would like to patronize a business like this in your neck of the woods. Perhaps you would even like to start one. In either case, I would strongly support you, even though I don't happen to be the ideal customer for your services.

I would also like to hear from your thumbs as far as the legal issue is concerned. We're moving back into the realm of societal consideration now, but the reason I saved this for last is because I'm not sure where I stand in the raw dairy debate. I am more than okay with the legal sale of booze and cigarettes, so long as their labels clearly warn of the health hazards. But I'm not crazy about the idea of selling something that could cause a typhoid outbreak. Potential benefits include increased nutritional value and assistance with immunization... both important, to be sure, but worth being legally allowed to place your children in danger of life-threatening disease?

If that were the whole story, I would say no. But I don't know the whole story.

What have you heard? I understand that mostly small farms engage in this activity, so is it possible that the risks of consuming raw dairy are being exaggerated by lobbyists working for large corporations? Or are raw dairy traffickers a health menace, as deserving of punishment for their crimes as drug dealers?

In an earlier post, I asked you to leave a kind word for my cook of the week; and I would still ask that if you can't say something nice about him personally, don't say anything at all. I chose him for a reason: because he is one chickenless SOB. No matter what can be said about the legality of his business practices, I personally admire him for helping people get the local foods they appreciate and deserve.

That being said, would you use a service like his? If not, is it due to any of the factors I've mentioned, or is there something I haven't considered? What is your opinion on raw dairy in general? On local dieting? Please feel free to leave a comment or write dontbeawuss@gmail.com.

Thanks for taking the time to read this in between trips to the costume shop or the party supply store. Happy Halloween and look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Beat the eggs. Whip the cream. Show no mercy.

Witnessing the Final Days of Organic Farms?

And here I thought my blog wasn't big enough to get noticed! The lovely people of Costco must have seen my post about being up shit creek financially. This exclusive invite arrived in the mail today. Wow, "Join Costco as an executive member by Nov. 29, 2009, and receive a $20 Costco cash card." Well, okay, Costco, but don't expect a shining review of your grocery section just because you buttered me up with a "special offer."

Last night my husband and I had another one of those touchy discussions about our finances that makes me cry. We decided we could swing one more month at the house if we make some serious budget cutbacks. Even if I don't have a sufficient workload by then (for those of you who don't know, I'm a freelance writer, so my income is subject to fluctuation), at least we will be more prepared for a move and it will be on more comfortable terms.

So what do budget cutbacks mean? Well, for starters, strict organic dieting will be out of the question for awhile. I find it sad that, in this country at least, the organic food movement is considered a luxurious lifestyle choice. I understand that organic farms lose more of their crops to pests, which drives up the price. However, I can't help but think it's also a result of demand in the wealthier classes. In general, people who have money to spend go to Whole Foods; people who don't go to Costco. And they're happy that way. When I go to "review" the grocery section at Costco, chances are I'll be the only customer even looking for organic fruits and vegetables.

When did treating one's body right become a trend among the well-off? Before there was such a thing as government certification programs, organic food was the cheapest of all. It was the food that you grew yourself, or that your neighbors grew and sold to a local market. It wasn't a trend, it was a way of life. All the fancy restaurants served exotic dishes. If you wanted something grown far away, you had to pay dearly for it. Isn't that how it should be? What's changed?

What's changed is that the world has gotten bigger. And now that the world is big- anyone at all curious about what foie gras is can do a Google search and yield over 3 million results- the trendsetting folks at the top of the financial pyramid, those with the time and inclination to pursue food as hobby, are experiencing their typical ennui. "What happened to those simple times?" they ask. "What happened to fresh apples plucked right from the tree in your backyard? What happened to those adorable old men with grubby hands and suspenders selling watermelons off the backs of their trucks in summer?" And so all that stuff is coming back, but not the way it used to be. This time, it's expensive. This time, because the world is big, organic organizations think they ought to sell big. In other words, the ultimate goal is to go wholesale-same as any other farm.

For now, it seems like a good business decision on their part, despite the fact that running a commercial organic farm is costlier than running a commercial farm that dumps pesticides all over everything and calls it a day. Organic farmers have to pay more attention to which crops they grow and when; employ creative pest solutions; and understand that, no matter what, they will lose a greater percentage of crops than conventional farms. It's natural that they should charge a little more, and because the trend among the wealthy is leaning that way, it's an investment many farmers are willing to make.

In his The Collapse of Complex Societies, Joseph Tainter asserts that the bigger an organization gets, the more it has at stake and the more likely it is to fail. I find this interesting because we as working Westerners (many of you reading this are monetizing bloggers, which means you are entrepreneurial Westerners to boot) tend to believe there are nothing but benefits when it comes to expansion. I'll be the first to admit that I started this blog hoping to grow my readership over time. Not necessarily for money purposes, but because... well, how else are you going to know you do a good job? So the focus was not merely on sustainability, but on growth; and that's the way it is for plenty of folks. Our entire economy here in the States and in many other Western countries focuses on growth. If you don't have growth, you're nothin.'

So what are some of the drawbacks to non-local sale of organic produce? Well, for starters, if you're shipping in bulk, you're going against organic principles by using a ton of gasoline. Already the trend is starting to shift from "just organic" to "local and organic" as those consumers who can afford to be picky become more aware of this hypocrisy. And the ones who can't afford it, as we already mentioned, tend not to even be interested in affording it. They think, "That organic stuff is just for rich snobs. I'll take my Bubba burgers and Bud Light any day, thank you." Obviously I am generalizing here, but if you think it's an untrue generalization, ask around in a low-income neighborhood. There's a sense of pride that comes with being able to score food cheap, to rough it while the "snobs" eat organic with their pinkies in the air.

So where does that leave large organic farms? Nowhere. Once the "just organic" trend passes among the upper classes, they're toast without a local customer base. Bankrupt. Kaputt.

Solution? If organic farming is your passion, buy a small plot of land. Maybe even suburban or urban land. Grow as much as you can using as little space as possible. If you already have a big, complicated commercial farm, sell it now. Focus on sustainability. Offer your product locally. Sell at flea markets and farmers' markets. Do CSAs. Barter with your neighbors. Subsist on your own crops and the ones you trade for on a local level. Instead of feeding into the societal delusion that we've traveled back to a time when old men with grubby hands and suspenders sold watermelons off the backs of their trucks, become the real thing. Take that plunge. Will you get rich? No. But according to Tainter, getting rich is just making it more complicated for yourself. You'll have further to fall: more land and more customers equals more loans to repay, more shipping costs to cover, more orders to screw up, more equipment to break, more staff to compensate, more pests to kill, more at stake if your crops fail, more at stake if the trend you've chosen to capitalize on passes, more migraines... to quote a popular permaculturist slogan, "work makes work." The more complicated you make it for yourself, the worse off you will be in the long run.

I look forward to hearing all your thoughts on this. I've touched on some controversial politics here, so if you don't want to leave a public comment, feel free to write dontbeawuss@gmail.com. As always, thanks so much for visiting!

Beat the eggs. Whip the cream. Show no mercy.

Pick Your Battles

Reading over some of my posts, I've discovered that I look like a big fat hypocrite. In one sentence I'm telling you that I have to know where my food comes from; in another, I'm telling you I just broke out a can of coconut milk from coconuts that were likely grown thousands of miles away on an unfamiliar farm. And I don't have a lick of defense.

I started this blog to learn things like that about myself. The citizens of every culture are conditioned by their media to care about specific issues. Animal rights is a big one here in the States, as are the organic and localized agriculture movements. We also hear a good deal about the dangers of overfishing. So like many concerned American cooks, I seek out the local growers at my Sunday farmers' market; and what I don't find there, I buy from the organic produce section at my neighborhood grocery. My meat has to be hormone-free and grass-fed. I buy cage-free eggs only. I tend to steer clear of fish unless I personally know who caught it.

Then, also like many concerned American cooks, I go home and wash my carefully-screened animal and vegetable products down with non-organic beer from Mexico. Because I have not been specifically guilted into giving up non-organic beer from Mexico.

The point is, I learn something new every day about food that appalls me... and yet I still have to eat. My husband and I have not yet saved up enough money or gained enough experience to live on a farm, so we're stuck here in the suburbs of downtown Orlando, depending on others for sustenance. I am forced to pick my battles.

I plan to pick a hell of a lot more of them from now on.

Expect to see some changes in the coming months. Expect to see me start using this blog the way it's intended, to encourage chickenlessness in myself and others. Expect to see a backyard garden and other examples of urban homesteading. Expect to see me volunteering on more farms. Expect pickier recipes.

(Just don't expect me to give up my beer.)

Beat the eggs. Whip the cream. Show no mercy.