Two Pies!

I told you about the Christmas presents I made. Now what about the people to whom I brought them?

My husband and I enjoyed a fun but picture-free Christmas Eve at my dad's in Vero Beach. My grandparents on that side are proper to the point where they leave the rum out of the jingle bell punch (everybody's jingle bell punch... not just theirs), and I didn't know how well snapping pictures at the table would go over. So my dad's famous crab au gratin casserole will have to be a story for another day. I exercised the eating muscles plenty and rested up the picture-taking muscles for Christmas Day at my mom's.

Visit her blog if you want to hear her whine about leaving the green beans in the microwave overnight. Stay if you want to hear me rave about what a porktastic, cosmotastic, pietastic meal we were treated to.

Stuffed pork loin for dinner, cosmopolitans with a secret ingredient (she knew I'd suffered through the previous evening booze-free!), and a two-pie breakfast for Boxing Day... how much more completely awesome does it get? TWO PIES, PEOPLE. Quiche and apple-cranberry. COUNT 'EM, TWO!!

Now, as far as what the pork loins were stuffed with... I see she hasn't put either recipe up on her blog. Luckily she gave me a copy of one. It appears to be from page 234 of the December 2009 edition of Cooking Light. The unfortunately punctuated title is, "Fruit and Walnut-Stuffed Pork Loin" [sic]. (Or am I old-fashioned for wanting to add that extra hyphen after the word "Fruit"? Tasty Trix? Copyranter? Someone help me out here.) The other one was stuffed with sun dried tomatoes and gorgonzola, and I'm not sure what else. She made it up herself though, so don't expect to find it anywhere else in the known universe. I'm sure if you pop over to her blog and ask real nice in the comments, she'll let you have the recipe.

Boxing Day was spent as it should be... catching up with old friends. This meant my diet consisted of leftovers and takeout. Nothing exciting.

The 27th was my husband's grandfather's birthday, so my mother-in-law pulled out all the stops and served both lobster tails and beef wellington.

I snapped a picture of my beef after it was cut as well, but standard dinner party lighting rendered my camera fairly useless. Which I'm sorry to report, because that beef wellington was TO DIE FOR. The color, texture... everything was perfect. Oh, well. Sometime when you run a food blog, you have to stop, take a deep breath, and remember that food is fleeting. With cooks like the ones in my family, there will be plenty more pictures to take!

Beat the eggs. Whip the cream. Show no mercy.

Latkes at a Christmas Party

Actually, my mother considers it more of a "Winter Solstice Party." Whatever you choose to call it, it's the party she has every year when the boat parade goes by her lakefront house, and everyone stands down on the dock waving and shouting, "Merry Christmas!"

Do I have pictures of said boat parade, you might ask? Heavens no. Do I have pictures of the latkes I brought to wish everyone a Happy Whatever the Heck It Is You Celebrate? Yey-ah! (Ironically they were a little late if you celebrate Hanukkah.)

I got this recipe off the incredible blog Las Vegas Food Adventures. Yeah, I know, you're waitin' for it... "What did she change?" Well, this time, it was nothing. Nada. Not a single...

AAAAAAAUGH!! I can't take the LIES!!! I used olive oil instead of vegetable, damn it!!!!!!! Are you satisfied?????!!!!!

Well, if so, you oughtn't to be. Because they turned out looking like horrid gray blobs instead of the pristine brown beauties in the original picture. Did they taste great? Sure. Did they go over well at the party? Definitely, but only because there was such dim lighting that I didn't get any decent pics of the final product until we had them for breakfast the next morning:

Awwwwwww, yuck, gross! What is that gray blob on the plate next to my mom's beautiful fruit salad? Did someone hock a... or cough up a... oh, wait, no, that's just my dumb ass using olive oil. Okay, phew. Thought that might actually have been cat barf there for a sec.

To make it crystal clear, this was no fault at all of the original recipe's. They would have been perfect if I had followed along verbatim. But the only oil I keep on hand in large quantities is olive. So my mom's party mood lighting is practically a Christmas miracle in my opinion. It allowed me to rake in the compliments that Las Vegas Food Adventures so deserves for this tasty Jewish-inspired dish.

Happy Hanu-kwan-rama-solst-mas! (Please let me know if I'm forgetting anyone, and I will make an addendum.)

P.S. If you had to pick one type of oil to keep in your house, which would you go with?

Beat the eggs. Whip the cream. Show no mercy.

Rainbow Plate Part 1

I've viewed a lot of food blog posts lately that use hefty doses of color to mouth-watering effect. Since reprioritizing the geographic origins of my ingredients, presentation has taken a backseat. And that sucks. Particularly on this blog.

So this evening I chose to serve a dish incorporating every color of the rainbow.

I won't waste your time with the recipe- really, it's just a few separate very conventional recipes thrown together. The components are as follows: first I laid a bed of raw spinach (green) on the serving platter (blue). Next came the breaded and baked sweet potato wedges (orange). Then, in the center of the fanned-out sweet potatoes, a couple servings' worth of curried lentils and rice (supposed to be yellow, but turned out more brown). Then the chopped sauteed bell peppers (red) and onions (violet). And finally, because my curry didn't turn out as yellow as I wanted it, that lonely bite of pineapple as a garnish. (Okay, I cheated a little bit, but who cares about indigo anyway?)

Ta-da! The Chickenless Kitchen's very first rainbow plate. I'll probably do more of them, since this exercise is simple enough and produces automatically attractive food. It would be nice to present at a party; but as we had no guests, hubby and I just dug in.

Quick critical note to self: no more red bell peppers with curry. I don't know why. After all, plenty of other sweet veggies tend to work out great. Does anyone have a scientific explanation (one involving the layout of the taste buds, perhaps)? I dunno, maybe I just ruined it by drinking Newcastle with it. In any case, tomatoes would have made a fine substitute.

Should you decide to make a rainbow plate of your own, feel free to email me pics and recipes. I would love to see what you come up with!

Beat the eggs. Whip the cream. Show no mercy.

Crutch Potluck

Quiche is a crutch food for me. Somewhere along the line I learned that I could make it for any occasion; formal or casual, sit-down or buffet. And then eat it again for breakfast the next morning. And again for lunch. Here are the baby quiches that I made to eat with soup for dinner last night. Isn't that the most ridiculously wussy thing you've ever heard? The laziness must stop here.

I propose a crutch potluck. If you think of an easy, versatile food that you make entirely too often, share it in the comments. This will encourage us to try other peoples' crutches, thereby relying less on our own crutches, thereby eliminating them as crutches, thereby being less wussy. Hooray!

P.S. Oh yeah, the recipe... You know how to make quiche, right? Just use a muffin tin instead. And don't cook it quite as long.

Beat the eggs. Whip the cream. Show no mercy.