Chickenless Cook of the Week: Jim Victor

Feature returning after a two-week hiatus... I know, my previous one was also a male food artist whose first name is one syllable and whose last name is two syllables ending in an "er" sound. But if you can think of any other reason why Jim Victor of Jim Victor Food Sculpture doesn't deserve the rave review he's about to get, then you are a sick, sick individual.

Above, the artist is pictured with his chocolate Harley-Davidson, created for Nestle USA ChocolateFest 2003 in Burlington, Wisconsin. Here are some more breathtaking creations in that medium: a chocolate dinosaur presented at Liberty Place in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; an entire chocolate-covered Jeep for an event called Sweetest Day the Jeep Way in Cleveland, Ohio in 2007; and a combination chocolate-and-butter sculpture of Milton Hershey and cows for the Pennsylvania State Farm Show in 2004.

But chocolate is only one of the various foods that Jim and his team can rock. Below are models of the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria sculpted for a Columbus Day parade in NYC. To quote Jim's website: "Ships made of Parmesan cheese, pizza dough for sails, roasted red peppers for the crosses, spaghetti for the rigging, and spinach lasagna for the sea." Playing back stories of Columbus's voyage in my mind, I can only imagine how his half-starved crews might have reacted to that description.

And if cheddar cheese is what floats your boat (har har), check out "Kids and Calves," presented at the Nebraska State Fair in 2008:

These are just a few of the pictures I'm using with permission from Jim's professional site. He will be updating within the next few weeks, so be sure to go check it out! For now, I salute you adieu along with this soldier from the butter sculpture "A Soldier's Family":

Have a great weekend, all!

Beat the eggs. Whip the cream. Show no mercy.

Chickenless Cook of the Week: Dave Spencer

I know I was supposed to wait for tomorrow, but I will be visiting family all day and will not be able to blog. Also... I just couldn't wait to share this dude with you! It is my great, great, great pleasure to introduce Dave Spencer, Instructables guru and mastermind behind the pieces of food art you see before you. Above is his never-before-seen UFO cake, which he flatters me by sharing even before the Instructables article comes out. Until then, please satisfy whatever remaining foodlust you may have for it by watching this Youtube video.

The fact is, this man just might have the most spoiled kids alive. Every year he outdoes himself by coming up with a new and increasingly badass birthday cake. He even fixes those little twerps special fiery birthday pancakes:

(Just kidding, Dave... but seriously, we're all jealous of your kids.)

And it doesn't stop at breakfast and cake. Oh, no. The carbo load has just begun. He assured me I wouldn't be interested, being that this is a "cooking blog" (i.e., I must subsist solely on truffles and caviar), but oh, was he wrong about the levels to which I will stoop! Here is a pair of before-and-after shots of hot dog bites that Dave Spencer has lanced through with tri-colored pasta to form chains of kid-friendly goodness which will be the primary topic of his eulogy in years to come:

Not interested? Not interested?? Dave, you'd better hope I've lost your email address by the time I have kids, because otherwise I am ditching them with you on every birthday they have, and you will be the one dealing with the emotional consequences of that as they grow older.

Now, as if the flashing lights on the UFO cake weren't enough to trigger your rofls, how about a tank cake with moving parts? Check out the instructables article, complete with link to a video of the cake's rotating gun turret (I guess that's what you call it on a tank... I'm not exactly G.I. Joe).

And the coup de gras... an exploding volcano cake. Need I say more? No, I needn't. Because in this day and age it's not only possible but common to share pictures over the interwebs. Here is Dave Spencer's exploding volcano cake.

Congratulations, Dave, on being my first Chickenless Cook of the Week! I hope there will be many more. Remember, don't be shy about emailing me your suggestions for future nominees. I might just make a tradition out of this late-night-Thursday posting... hmm...

Use what you have learned here only for good, and a happy early Friday to all!

Beat the eggs. Whip the cream. Show no mercy.